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Archive for April, 2008

On the Edge of Sanity

Lately I have been allowing myself to destress and heal thru writing again…the other day when I was having an especially hard day to deal with I sat down and wrote this…

I love my family
but I live on the edge of sanity
Stress invades my every groove
Pushing harder and harder
Move! Move!
At almost every second my internal soul screams help,
yet I chose this path in life who can help me see it thru?
My love, my heart and soul, fails to get me at times so how can I hope…
I hope I can survive this,
yet I worry what will my kids think,
will they hate me for my moodiness and lack of consistency?
or will they understand the demon I fought,
my “jihad of the nafs”

Note:  Jihad literally is Arabic for struggle…it can refer to a physical struggle, but religiously it ultimately refers to the inner struggle of the soul(nafs) between good and evil. 

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Progress Update

April 2nd Update 

Last weighed: 215 lbs.  Current Weight:  210 lbs.

So far I have not lost that much and it is mostly my doing.  I have not been getting enough exercise into my schedule and/or eating smaller portions and watching my consumption of sweets and carbonated beverages.

The weather here has also been a factor…mostly it has been overcast, rainy, and chilly, sometimes all 3 at the same time 🙂  When the weather has been nice though I have been doing alot of walking at the Nashville Zoo.  And when the boys were on spring break we went and checked out some parks we had never gone to and went walking there.

Portion size will be my target area this month.  Learning to eat smaller portions and not be tempted to go back for seconds or thirds just cause there is food left. 

And my biggest hurdle…learning that I don’t have to always finish my children’s food when they have leftovers!

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Lately I have been MIA on this blog…

I had intended to post at least weekly, but the boys were on spring break and then emotionally I have been up and down like a yo-yo.

I probably need to pursue getting my antidepressant meds again.   I don’t know why but a part of me always resist using them, like they are a crutch I don’t need or something.  At the same time I have witnessed how when I am on them I just seem to be able to handle my stress and worries a lot easier.  So really I just need to give myself a kick in the bottom and go to the doc and get a new prescription.

Didn’t mean to go off on a tangent…but look for more posts cause I have been writing more in my freetime and have been meaning to share.

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